Rouladin (staying in touch with my German heritage)

For those of you who have never tried rouladin. Make it! Eat it! Try it! It's got the 3 best foods in the universe (meat, bacon, pickles) all rolled up into one!

1) Defrost inside round rouladin meat (or you know, just buy it fresh).

2) Fry 8 strips of bacon (1 for each piece of rouladin meat. In this case, we're obviously making 8).

3) chop 1 onion

4) chop 3 pickles

5) chuck the onions and pickles in with the still frying bacon (don't let the bacon get too crispy, though, because everyone knows fattier bacon is tastiest).

6) lay your meat down on a cutting board (or wherever).

7) spread mustard on the meat.

8) put a bit of the onion/bacon/pickle mixture (it should be ready by now) on each piece of meat.

9) roll up the meat with the stuff inside. You know, like a wrap...with meat.

10) tooth pick it so it doesn't fall appart

11) put the meat wrap thingies into the slowcooker. (if you don't have a slowcooker, go buy a slowcooker).

12) Put any stuffing that lept out of the meat in a futile escape attempt into the slow cooker for more flavour.

13) pour half a cup of beef boulean over everything.

14) cook on high in the slow cooker for 3-4 hours

Mommy says that if you don't have a slow cooker you could use a frying pan, brown the rouladin on all sides, then simmer it for an hour. This makes it taste better provided you don't burn them, but for that to happen you have to watch them the whole time! With the slow cooker burning is impossible and you can go watch tv or play computer games while it cooks.

Schnitzel: Pounding the meat is key.

This is the first recipe I ever posted to a blog (and quite possibly the yummiest). The following is the original post from August 21st, 2004.

Today I made schnitzel! I don't cook, so this is a big deal. Of course by "cook" I mean before every step I asked "Mommy, what do I do now?" but it turned out super yummy, which is the important thing. I wrote down all the steps so later I won't have to have my mommy next to me in order to make it. So that others can enjoy this fine German dish (and in case I lose the scrap of paper) I am including the recipe in my blog:

1. Pound pork cutlets with can or mallet. As the title says, this is key. It makes the meat all thin and tender.

2. Mix an egg with milk. With a fork, not anything exciting like a mixer or anything.

3. Put flour on a plate.

4. Put breadcrumbs on another plate. Breadcrumbs = stale bread in food processor with lots of oregano and salt. (Or just buy seasoned breadcrumbs. Lazies!)

5. Heat oil in pan. Oil should be hot enough to spit at you.

6. Dip pork in flour, then eggmilk, then crumbs.

7. Fry breadcrumby pork in oily pan.

8. Repeat until all the pork have become schnitzel.

There you have it. Eight easy steps. Well, seven (does step eight really count?). Anyway, enjoy your schnitzel.
Auf wiedersehen!

Ham and Cheese Muffins

These muffins are yummy. Mommy told me how to make them in 20 easy steps.

1) Put 1 cup of cheese in the food processor (if you don't have one, I suppose you could use some poor person's device)

2) Food process the cheese

3) Dump cheese into container (for later)

4) Preheat oven to 400 degrees

5) Put 1 cup of ham in food processor

6) Food process ham

7) Put 3 "big T" tablespoons into a cup

8) Microwave buttercup for 41 seonds or 'till it's melted

9) Put 2 cups of flour and 2 tablespoons of sugar and 3 "little t" teaspoons of baking powder in the food processor

10) Give it a whir

11) Put 1 egg in a cup

12) Swish the egg vigorously with a fork

13) Put the eggcup and the buttercup and a cup of milk in a bowl

14) Put dry stuff (flour/sugar/baking powder) into wet stuff (egg/butter/milk) a little at a time while you stir (that's right, use all 3 of your arms)

15) Put ham and cheese in with everything else

16) Stir it up

17) Pam a muffin tin or two

18) Put all the stuff in the muffin tin. Mommy says, if you leave some of the tins empty put water in them so the pan doesn't get ruined (or something...I dunno...just do it okay?)

19) Put it in the oven for 20-30 minutes (start with 20 minutes, then if they still look raw put 'em in for another 10)

20) Ding! Eat the muffins